Love and other things

It's been almost seven months. Seven months since I last posted anything.  Seven months since I got a text message that said, "I read your blog. You're talking about me."

Let me start with just a quick update on life here.  I love Changwon!  The access to Busan and the beaches is great.  We have a new church that launched a few months ago that has provided community and relationship that I've needed.  My job is great, and my kids are awesome!  I love seeing their little faces every day.  Their excitement and giggles and "I love you, Aimee Teacher," are the best parts of my job.

We got all new teachers in in the last several months.  I've been there the longest by a year.  I got moved up to "Head Teacher" a few months back as well, which hopefully has been helpful to the other teachers.  I'm trying to make a lot of people happy, and that can be stressful, but it will never be as stressful as the job I left in Texas, so I thank God for that!

I've been here for two and a half years now. Can you believe it?  It's looking like it may be another two and a half more, but who knows?  It wouldn't be uncommon among the people that God has surrounded me with.  Two babies are due next month and one was born this past January - new life is always so much fun to celebrate, especially this far away from home.  I'm just so happy!

Two years ago, I was living in Naju, and my best friend came to visit me in May.  We spent a long weekend in Seoul, and at one point we went into a random bar in Itaewon. I have no idea where it is or what it was called, but I remember it very clearly.  That's saying a lot, because my memory is often very fuzzy!   We were the only two people in there, save for a guy sitting a few seats down, and a woman at a table behind us with a drunk guy passed out on the table.  The bartender was playing country music from a playlist by request of the guy a few seats down, so we struck up a conversation, and shortly after, I scooted down next to him so we could all talk.  We ended up going into the backroom for karaoke, (even Alicia sang in a private room!) where I busted out my fantastic rap skillz.  I had gotten a new strapless dress that day, but didn't have a strapless bra to wear under it, so I had this bright pink one that was kind of silky feeling with a black jacket over the dress so it couldn't be seen.  When we first got to the room, I was messing with the controls at the front of the room and then sat on the bench and scooted over to sit next to Alicia.  It had to have been at least a half hour later when I looked down and realized my dress had come all the way down and I was just hanging out in a bright pink bra and what was now a skirt!  I accused Alicia of letting me sit there like that, but she couldn't see it past my jacket, and Mitch on the other side just cracked up.  I asked him how he could have let me sit there like that, and he was like, "I don't know you! I thought that's just how you rolled!"   We spent a couple hours there and then went somewhere else to another place that had bras hanging from everywhere. (Apparently the theme of the evening...)  We had such a great time, and we exchanged numbers that night.  He came to visit me in Naju, I'm pretty sure the next weekend.  We hung out in Gwangju with some friends - Karaoke was involved, as it should be.  The next day we went out to eat, and he says he asked me if he could take me on a date and I said no.  I don't remember that at all!  I remember him asking me what I looked for in a man, and I definitely told him I was messed up and not ready for anything.  :)  The details are foggy for me.  He came back another time or two, but we lost touch after August.  I went home in November, and he left in December to be stationed at Ft. Lewis.  Sometime in December, I remember sitting on my bed in my parents' house and really wanting to talk to him.  He wasn't on the Korean message program anymore, and I started to panic, but I remembered we had used Twitter to talk in the past and I found him there.  We talked to each other that way for all of 2013.  Not every day even, but we definitely never lost touch like we had for those few months before we came home.

In December 2013, something changed. I had decided to take charge of my health, signing up for the John Cena 10 Week Body Change (which I highly recommend!).  For some reason, we started talking every day. He became my source of encouragement and support, and was my biggest fan whenever I accomplished something, no matter how small it was.  He even sent me an ARMY shirt and sweatshirt to wear.  As we got to know each other more, I started to see all the things in him that I have ever said I wanted.  He's a believer and he seeks after God for direction and wisdom and peace. He has a job that he enjoys going to.  He works with the teens at his church, and is a wonderful model for them, as he is to the soldiers around him daily.  I realized that when I woke up in the morning, he was the one I thought about. When I went to sleep at night, he was the one I thought about. When I had a great day, or a bad day, or I did something stupid, he was the one I wanted to share it with.  When I ran two miles for the first time, or took a minute off my time, he was the one I told.

We talked about all of this one day and decided that we both had these feelings for each other and we should see where they went.  I had no idea how that decision would change everything.   It all went so quickly after that and in July, he came here to visit me.  He met my friends, met my kids at school...he became part of my world here.  We had some major talks after that that were kind of rough, but I flew to Seattle on a whirlwind trip for a few days, and it's been so, so good. He was originally set to deploy in October, but in June we found out he wouldn't be deploying at all, and that he would be stationed Korea in December!  Hence, I've decided to stay another year, two if he does.

I am head over heels, butterflies and rainbows, and everything sugary when it comes to him. I can't express to you how much I love this man.  He's beautiful and good, funny and kind, compassionate and a little crazy.  He loves football, WWE, and country music, and he definitely loves me. He does not eat sweets which I can't comprehend, but he'll be a good influence on me!  Although he did just send me a care package with Poptarts and Mac and Cheese and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and KitKats.  My fellow teachers were jealous!

At the end of the day, he's the one I want in my corner. He's the one I want to fight through this life with. He's the one worth fighting FOR.   I can't wait for everyone to meet him! :)

So handsome in uniform!

Naju - June 2012

Busan - July 2014

Busan - July 2014

So that's my life, my heart, all about me right now.  Pray that these next three months until he gets here won't be stressful, as distance usually is.  Pray that God uses us to glorify Him in every way.
I miss you all and think about you often!

Peace, Love, and Brown Sugar Poptarts :)

Thoughts on resuming dating and other stuff about life:

I gave up dating last March.  I made an actual decision to do so, but it is also sort of a byproduct of living here.  The type of man I’m looking for doesn’t live in these parts.  I don’t ask for much, honestly:  a Jesus loving, country singing, college football fan with a fantastic smile, who is hopefully taller than I am and loves to travel.  How hard can that be?  

                So what happens when the year is up?  Nothing. There won’t be a magical influx of the above mentioned kind of men to Changwon, South Korea.  I won’t be on a daily search for Mr. Right.  But I will be out of debt.  And I will have become a healthier version of me.  And I will have discovered a lot of things in me that I didn’t know existed, both good and bad. And I will have dealt with a lot of the emotional baggage that I didn’t realize I was carrying around.  I’ll continue to do that through Bible study with some good friends.  I’ll continue to work on budgeting Dave Ramsey style so I won’t get back into the mess I was in before.   I will continue to love on the kids I teach, and I will keep working to get a handle on how I react to those kids when twelve of them are running and screaming and not listening all at the same time.  I will continue learning about things that interest me.  I will do a better job of nurturing the friendships I have back in the States.  I’ll continue to seek God, to know Him more, so that the fruits of gentleness and kindness and patience can grow within me.

                Here’s my struggle now:  I have seen a small part of the world and I want to see more.  That desire is fighting my desire to settle down.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m not getting younger.  I’m terrified of the thought of being on my own forever, never getting to have a baby that looks like me, or not being allowed to adopt from this country I’ll have called home for three years. If I’m being honest, I am also terrified of exactly all those things happening and then never getting to see the rest of the world.  I want to teach in the Middle East. I want to drink wine in Spain and Italy. I want to stand where Jesus stood in Israel.  I want to go to the Giraffe Manor in Nairobi.  I want to do missions in Costa Rica and Africa and anywhere else that will take me.  But at the end of the day, what I want most is to do what God wants me to do, and to go where God wants me to go.  My life canvas is pretty chaotic looking, the strokes being made mostly by gut instinct and past poor decisions.  But the more I keep on, the more beautiful the overall picture is going to look as the lines and squiggles of the past begin coming together to form the picture God has planned for me from the beginning of time.  I have to have faith that it was all for something, or I am lost. 

                So please pray for me.  Pray that I spend my last year here wisely. Pray that God would make clear the next steps for me.  Pray that I can stop dwelling on my age and these feelings of inadequacy, and instead move forward with confidence that I am where I am supposed to be and that God won’t leave me on my own.   Thanks for your love.